Friday, April 29, 2011

Moving along

It's day 3 at school and I feel like things are moving along today. Everything is working out the way it should be.
I've decided to drop Ancient History and pick up Extension English. At first I was excited about Ancient history but now I realise that it sucks and I don't enjoy it. I'm interested in the history but maybe just not in such a structured way. I decided to pick up Extension English because I know that will bring up my marks in the HSC, meaning you get rewarded for trying a hard subject even if you suck at it. I'm kind of worried about the extent and the amount of the work, but hey, I can't handle anything right?
By dropping Ancient history it also means I don't have to do the 2000 word essay and I get more free periods!!
I"ve also gotten into the lowest netball team which is a surprise but works out better for me anyway because it means less trainging sessions so i have more time to work at my new job.

But just in general, I'm having a better day today and I hope it stays like this. have a good one!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

My dream

My feet could hardly stay on the floor. As me and my fellow team mates from my current school bee lined through the hall of my old school I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the feeling of familialarity. I tried to look composed to soften the blow of potential rejection. But I was so excited to see my old friends hudled in a circle. They would be so excited to see me! They would ask me how I was going at my new school, they would hug me, they would be overwhelmed with joy once they saw me!

Wouldn't they?

All of us were in our sports uniform. Mine a navy blue, theirs a bright white and royal blue jacket. The mahogany floor boards and vast openess of the hall spread beyond my vision. But as uncertainty bunked beds with my confidence, my vision retracted to only the sight of my old friends. I had just reached them to see that the approximate 8 of them were having an intent conversation with someone I new from my old school.
"Hi guys!", I whispered, still expecting an uproaring rush of people to see me. Instead they looked just looked at me.
":Uh hi Kirsty", was all they said after they leaned back and gave me a good look up and down. Everything became I sudden blurr in the following seconds. I asked the girl what she was doing sitting with my friends only to find out she had moved schools. The purpose of this I did not know. I stood up in a swift, confused movement. My friends looked away as my brain rapidly tried to catch up with this unexpected situation. It felt like I had just given a spoilt child some candy, only to receive a slap in the face.
And that was that. In an instant I had discovered that they

no longer wanted to be friends with me.

Backgound info
I've always wanted to be looked up to. I've always wanted people to not envy me but look at me with a certain perspective such as respect. I want to look sophisticated, reserved but open. I thought I could be that at my new school. I thought I could be who I wanted to be, I had the chance to be someone new! Someone more confident, willing to make friends, someone everybody wanted to be friends with, someone fun and funny. But I just felt disappointment. On my first day of school I came home crying because I didn't like the people. I felt like no one cared that I was a new kid going through a tough time. The attitude they took on in my eyes was like "you'll get over kid, just like everybody else".
It's like the saying "it could be worse". Yes ofcourse it could be worse but what I am going through is still tough! Just because I don't have a broken leg or cancer doesn't mean that it's impossible to have a bad time.
I am frustrated because I want more. I am eternally grateful for the friends I have made now, they have acted like a pillow, a place to rest wile I try to muster some courage. However, they are just one section out of the 160 people in the grade. I want to remain friends with them but get to know more people. But I need someone to help me find the confidence because I just can't rely on myslef to do it.

I'm going to bed

Friday, April 8, 2011

Making an effort

I can see that there are a lot of positive responses to my new monthly challenges...
Come on people! I would really like to read your answers!

Anyway back to my life. Today was the last day of term 1!! So now I get 2 weeks off school!! That's pretty much all my news right now.

If you answer my challenge I would have something to talk about. So please make the effort!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Monthly Challenge #1

Okay so here is the exciting first question for this month:

What would you say if I told you you were ugly?

The deadline to answer this question is sometime next month when I feel like checking up on my blog. Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comment section below this post. If you have been selected as the winner, I will notify you.
Looking forward to selecting the winner if anybody bothers to answer!!

New monthly challenge!!

Okay so I know I may not get any responses but I'm prepared to take the risk.
My creative imagination and I have come up with a monthly challenge. What will happen is I will ask a question under the heading: Monthly Challenge #....
The aim is to answer the question...surprise! Shocker isn't it?
The prize is... you can ask ME a question and I will answer it. This is only if you have the best answer.
Cool prize right?
Okay so have fun and play safe!

Is there something on my face?

Do you ever get that feeling where you REALLY want to do something but you're afraid people you know might see it and judge you?
That's exactly how I feel. Now I can't say why but you may find out later.
I just can't seem to find the confidence to do what I want.

And you know the number one excrucitaingly annoying thing that happens when you move schools? I can't think of anything to say to people. I will want to be their friend but I don't know what to talk about. Do I push people away? Do poeple think I'm quiet? And then there's the most common question on the universe: is there something on my face? Well no it's actually: is there something wrong with me?
I tried the whole I'm Miss If-you-want-to-be-frinds-with-me-that's-cool-but-if-you-don't-then-whatever thing. But I have a feeling that doesn't work with teenagers.
I think this not having anything to say thing is the major reason why I am not friends with people who I want to be friends with. I mean I have some great friends at my new school now, but I want to expand. I want to be friends with everybody!

Why is it so difficult to talk to strangers? Why do I always feel obliged to talk to poeple? WHY CAN'T THEY TALK TO ME FOR A CHANGE?
I guess expecting poeple to worship me isn't the best outlook on life.
I just feel so frustrated.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Reminders to Remember

1) You are never alone

2) Don't waste time making lies- do what you want

3) In order to draw friends closer to you, be open. Show them why they would want to be friends with you.

4) Not everyone is like you - embrace difference, we're just people

5) Life never goes on with out or around you - you make it and go with it at any speed you choose

6) Speak up - find your inner warrior, have the confidence to say what you want.

7) You know that spark you've been waiting for? Well why wait? Make it happen