Why I lost my brother

Do you know that feeling you have when someone tells you something that should make sense but gets you even more confused? Or that feeling where everything around you changes slightly? Or the guilt for not shedding those tears before?

That just happened to me tonight.

When I was about 5 years old my mother lost a child and I lost a brother. The placenta in my mother's womb had come away too early, therefore he receiving less oxygen to his brain, he became somewhat mentally ill. We were told by the nurses that he only had a limited time to live before his brain shut down. We spent 3 months of our lives getting to know him.
He grew thick hair and my mother and I fought over which direction of his hair suited him better. I preferred it down while she liked it spiked up. The most I remember was sharing the little time we had to hold him with both my brother, father, mother and I. I also remember being given free ice cream and apple juice by the nurses when my attention fell elsewhere, and getting stung by stepping on a dead bee in the the playground after warning others not to walk on it.

I have been reading a book about pre-birth planning. It explains the concept of our spirits planning our life challenges before we take cover in our human bodies. It says nothing is ever truly an accident.  I believe that the mishap that caused my brother's condition was a true accident but his spirits worked around it by deciding to teach our family a lesson during the time in which he had to live considering he wouldn't have time to learn his set goals.

A couple of months ago my mother went to see a medium/masseuse. Her job is to connect with her spirits while clearing out the chakras of her clients. My mother was told that my brother - her son - had already reincarnated. In my younger sister's body.
Instead of getting the feeling of everything clicking into place, I was even more confused. But my greatest feeling was guilt. Guilt because I felt like I should of loved her more than what I already did. I wasn't sure if I loved her to the standards of everybody else. Why didn't I feel that special bond with her?
But then I realised that I love her in my own way. There is no standard for love. I love her unconditionally. Even though she may annoy me or do the wrong thing, I will help her because I love her.

My brother loved us so much that he chose to reincarnate in a body that would belong to our family so he could still carry out his life goals and feel love.
Now I can fill in the blank picture of him in my head with the image of my sister - pure love and happiness.